Self Regulation: What's the Big Deal?
At the center where I work, we practice Conscious Discipline. Before beginning my time there, I had never heard of such a thing! BUT, since being exposed to this practice, my life has literally been changed. Not only my teaching style, but my personal life as well. I have learned more about my own brain state, my own boundaries and how to calm myself before responding to all people, littles included. Before you stop reading and move on with your day, this is not an infomercial for Conscious Discipline, although I could do that! This is simply a testimonial of what Conscious Discipline has done in my personal life and the way I have seen it transform the lives of children and families, as well as the culture in my classroom. If you want to check out Conscious Discipline for yourself, I encourage you to and I will add a link at the bottom of this post for your convenience. 😉
Like I said before, I had never heard of Conscious Discipline before I started working for the center I work for, I came into this amazing center and heard phrases like, "school family" and "that's hard, you can handle it" and "take a breath". It was like a foreign language to me. The difference in the way that children interacted with one another was remarkable. I had rarely seen two children solve a problem with one another, with little to no adult assistance and tell each other how to treat one other. I heard children say, "I don't like it when you hit me. Next time ask me to move." I was blown away. These preschool and even younger children were telling other children how to treat them! It was in this center that I was introduced to the "safe place", I mentioned that this is my favorite area of the classroom in my last post and I would like to tell you why in this one.
The safe place is a center in my classroom. It is a teaching center with many tools and strategies that help prepare children for the rest of their lives. I know that may sound dramatic, but here's the thing. Self regulation is a BIG deal. Without it, children and even adults struggle in their day to day activities. When a parent asks me if their child is ready for Kindergarten, I always look at that child's social/emotional development and self-regulation skills to determine my opinion. See, I believe that if a child cannot self-regulate, they cannot be calm enough or focused enough to learn math or writing or science or be successful in interactions with peers and adults. Self-regulation is not about being calm all the time, being a "rule follower" or even compliant. It is about being able to recognize an emotion, feel that emotion, accept that emotion and move on from that emotion all without being hurtful to others or yourself.
Labeling emotions is a skill that even some adults do not have. We confuse feeling disappointed with feeling sad. We confuse frustrated feelings with the idea of being angry. We take on feelings as if we are the feeling rather than simply feeling the feeling. I am Rachael, I feel angry, but I am not angry. Anger does not own me or dictate what I do or how I handle myself. I can remain Rachael without allowing an emotion to overtake me. How does this happen? It's simple and complex, it is self-regulation.
One of the first steps of teaching children how to self-regulate is helping them to feel safe in the environment they are in, the adults and children they are interacting with and within themselves. This is done by creating a school family. Family is an interesting thing, you can love them but not necessarily like them at all times. You can feel connected one day and disconnected the next. Why is this? I believe it is because we are human with emotions and with lives that do not always go the way we hope they would. But the amazing thing about family is, at least in my own family, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. We join together and handle whatever is coming our way because we care about each other, want the best for each other and know that at the end of the day, we are stronger together. This is the brilliance of school family. We may not always get along, but we are stronger together and help one another learn, grow and teach each other how we want to be treated.
I honestly could go on and on about this topic and the amazing journey I have been on with Conscious Discipline, however, I thought I would share some of the things that are in the safe place in my classroom and a little about their importance.
Children before the age of seven do not have internal speech. Feeling Buddies are a way to teach children to recognize a feeling, welcome the feeling, interact with the feeling and deal with the feeling in a healthy way.
This is an example of an "I love you ritual". These provide an opportunity to connect with children using eye contact, touch, presence and a playful interaction. These I love you rituals take relationship building to a whole new level!
All of these tools are used to help children recognize their emotions, and make active choices in how to calm their bodies, solve the problem and move themselves from the lower centers of the brain into the higher centers of the brain. All while helping the child to build strong self-regulation skills.
I have watched Conscious Discipline work with my very own eyes. I have seen it transform children, adults, families and classrooms. It is because of this fact that the safe place is my very favorite area of my classroom. See, that's where the real magic happens. When a child who has suffered trauma, been struggling to interact with others, connect with adults or children and is in general having a "hard time" looks at me and says, "Mrs. Rachael, I'm feeling disappointed, will you tell me what to say to disappointed?" and carries the feeling buddy over for me to help them, I am blown away! When that same child holds onto disappointed for just "a little while longer", then puts disappointed away and chooses to get happy and walks through talking to happy, ALL BY HIMSELF, I am overwhelmed! I am reminded that this is what it is about! This is why I do what I do. to give children life skills, confidence and support them in discovering who they are and what makes them tick. That's what the big deal with self-regulation is.
For more information on Conscious Discipline, visit their website at
www.consciousdiscipline.com
Like I said before, I had never heard of Conscious Discipline before I started working for the center I work for, I came into this amazing center and heard phrases like, "school family" and "that's hard, you can handle it" and "take a breath". It was like a foreign language to me. The difference in the way that children interacted with one another was remarkable. I had rarely seen two children solve a problem with one another, with little to no adult assistance and tell each other how to treat one other. I heard children say, "I don't like it when you hit me. Next time ask me to move." I was blown away. These preschool and even younger children were telling other children how to treat them! It was in this center that I was introduced to the "safe place", I mentioned that this is my favorite area of the classroom in my last post and I would like to tell you why in this one.
The safe place is a center in my classroom. It is a teaching center with many tools and strategies that help prepare children for the rest of their lives. I know that may sound dramatic, but here's the thing. Self regulation is a BIG deal. Without it, children and even adults struggle in their day to day activities. When a parent asks me if their child is ready for Kindergarten, I always look at that child's social/emotional development and self-regulation skills to determine my opinion. See, I believe that if a child cannot self-regulate, they cannot be calm enough or focused enough to learn math or writing or science or be successful in interactions with peers and adults. Self-regulation is not about being calm all the time, being a "rule follower" or even compliant. It is about being able to recognize an emotion, feel that emotion, accept that emotion and move on from that emotion all without being hurtful to others or yourself.
Labeling emotions is a skill that even some adults do not have. We confuse feeling disappointed with feeling sad. We confuse frustrated feelings with the idea of being angry. We take on feelings as if we are the feeling rather than simply feeling the feeling. I am Rachael, I feel angry, but I am not angry. Anger does not own me or dictate what I do or how I handle myself. I can remain Rachael without allowing an emotion to overtake me. How does this happen? It's simple and complex, it is self-regulation.
One of the first steps of teaching children how to self-regulate is helping them to feel safe in the environment they are in, the adults and children they are interacting with and within themselves. This is done by creating a school family. Family is an interesting thing, you can love them but not necessarily like them at all times. You can feel connected one day and disconnected the next. Why is this? I believe it is because we are human with emotions and with lives that do not always go the way we hope they would. But the amazing thing about family is, at least in my own family, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. We join together and handle whatever is coming our way because we care about each other, want the best for each other and know that at the end of the day, we are stronger together. This is the brilliance of school family. We may not always get along, but we are stronger together and help one another learn, grow and teach each other how we want to be treated.
I honestly could go on and on about this topic and the amazing journey I have been on with Conscious Discipline, however, I thought I would share some of the things that are in the safe place in my classroom and a little about their importance.
All of these tools are used to help children recognize their emotions, and make active choices in how to calm their bodies, solve the problem and move themselves from the lower centers of the brain into the higher centers of the brain. All while helping the child to build strong self-regulation skills.
I have watched Conscious Discipline work with my very own eyes. I have seen it transform children, adults, families and classrooms. It is because of this fact that the safe place is my very favorite area of my classroom. See, that's where the real magic happens. When a child who has suffered trauma, been struggling to interact with others, connect with adults or children and is in general having a "hard time" looks at me and says, "Mrs. Rachael, I'm feeling disappointed, will you tell me what to say to disappointed?" and carries the feeling buddy over for me to help them, I am blown away! When that same child holds onto disappointed for just "a little while longer", then puts disappointed away and chooses to get happy and walks through talking to happy, ALL BY HIMSELF, I am overwhelmed! I am reminded that this is what it is about! This is why I do what I do. to give children life skills, confidence and support them in discovering who they are and what makes them tick. That's what the big deal with self-regulation is.
For more information on Conscious Discipline, visit their website at
www.consciousdiscipline.com
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